


Prelude - SM Town Out To Lunch

by hgiel



Series: Boy Band Saga [1]
Category: C-Pop, Dong Bang Shin Ki, F4 (Band), Fly To The Sky, H.O.T., K-pop, Shinhwa, TVXQ
Genre: Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-03
Updated: 2012-01-02
Packaged: 2017-10-28 19:12:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 17,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/311272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hgiel/pseuds/hgiel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Things go to hell once TVXQ enters SM Town</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was written in 2004 so the SM characters in here were all in SM Town at that time (other than ShinHwa), and DBSG had just made their debut (So we used their original names...Hero is Young Woong, Max is Choi Kang, Xiah is Sia, UKnow is Yun Ho ((we started using their stage names along the way so dont get confused)))

Moon Hee Jun stood alone in one of the halls of the SM studios, across from a vending machine. He had been their for quite some time, waiting for his self control to give in so he could get a chocolate bar. He wasn't suppose to be eating them, but if his managers didn see him, it would be okay. It would be like nothing ever happened. That was, until he gained more weight and they made him diet again.  
Hee Jun clenched his money in a tight fist. That was for him to worry about in the future, right now, he needed that damn candy bar. As he took steps toward the vending machine, someone started coming down the hall and Hee Jun froze in mid act. It was Young Woong, one of the new kids who just debuted in Dong...something something, Hee Jun couldn remember.  
Neither of them moved from their places, but the kid had an odd look on his face and he preceded to pull on a lock of his feathery black hair.  
"You uh...don't tell anyone I was here, okay?" Hee Jun said after the stand off started taking up too much of his snack time. "Im just hungry and-" Something in the kids eyes sparked at the word hungry and he charged at Hee Jun.  
Before Hee Jun knew it, Young Woong had knocked him to the ground, and even before Hee Jun could even explain that he was a little to old for the kid, Young Woong bit into his flesh. His sharp little teeth dug in like needles, and the skin tore away from Hee Jun bone painfully. At first Hee Jun struggled, but really, what was there to live for? Soon he gave in and waited to be eaten alive, but apparently he was a bit too big for the kid and Young Woong got too full and wandered back down the hall. Hee Jun still alive, waited to bleed to death. Which, by the way things were going, wouldn't be long at all.

Kang Ta fixed his hair in the little hand mirror he had while Hyesung put his pants back on. They had come to the SM studios to record their new CD, but Lee Ji Hoon couldn't make it, so Hyesung and him decided to make constructive use of their time. They didn't JUST have sex, they also recorded a nice version of Sonny and Cher "I've got you babe." All and all, it was a productive use of time.  
"I'll see you later." Hyeung said, heading out.  
"Okay, see you." Kang Ta called, putting his things away so he could head out himself.  
As Kang Ta headed toward the exit, turning a corner he found Hee Jun laying in a pool of blood. Kang Ta burst into tears, as he is often inclined to do, and ran to his old lover, taking him in his arms.  
"Moon Hee Jun!" He cried out, seeing the wounds Hee Jun now had all over.  
"Kang Ta! Im so glad you are here!" Hee Jun said happily, though weakly.  
"Oh Hee Jun..." Kang Ta kept crying.  
"Kang Ta, can you get me a candy bar? I can get up to get it."  
Kang Ta ignored him and kept on crying. "What happened to you Hee Jun? Who did this?" He asked.  
"Seriously, just get me the candy bar, I have some money right here..."  
A few minutes later Hee Jun was slightly more dead, slightly more happy, and had slightly more of a mess on his face, the chocolate mixing with the blood.  
"Now, what happened? Kang Ta asked, holding Hee Jun bloody body against his sharply dressed one.  
"I was trying to get a candy bar and one of those little kids that just debut tried to eat me!"  
"What one???"  
"The one with the hair!"  
"The...the hair?"  
"Ya, the black hair, with all the...like...volume to it...you know?"  
"Wait, what band?"  
"That new one, Dong something."  
"Oh wait, it was Dong...umm Dong Pong...or..."  
"It doesn matter!"  
"Oh Hee Jun Im so sorry this happened to you, Im sorry I wasn there to help you." He began to cry, yet again. "If you died, I don't know what I would ever do!  
"Then how come you never call me anymore!"  
"Im busy! Im solo AND in a band you know!"  
"So are you saying you work harder then me???" Hee Jun demanded.  
"Don't start! Oh geez, I better call an ambulance or something...


	2. Chapter 2

"No wait, Kang Ta..." Hee Jun said, grabbing at Kang Ta's arm desperately. "I...wanted to tell you something..."

 

"What is it?" Kang Ta replied as he held up a napkin that had "SM Entertainment" printed all over it, as if he were advertising it, then began wiping the chocolate and blood off of Hee Jun's face.

 

"You...you know that song that Dang Bing Pong whatever recorded...it talks about a princess...?" Hee Jun wailed, moving his arm with a missing hand to try and grab his side in pain.

 

"Yeah...I co-wrote that damn song with them and they didn't even give me credit for the princess part! I actually have something to tell you too, Hee Jun..." Kang Ta said, grabbing the stub of Hee Jun's arm where his hand used to be.

 

"You're gonna get me another candy bar..?" Hee Jun replied.

 

"No...heh..." Kang Ta said, a confused look on his face.

 

"Nevermind all that..." Hee Jun said, waving his handless arm around. "I wanted to tell you...when I heard those brats recording it in the studio...I felt that it was the perfect song for me to describe you...my...little princess..." Hee Jun whispered as he coughed up some blood.

 

"Oh Hee Jun!!" Kang Ta cried, wrapping his arms around Hee Jun's neck and pulling him closer. Hee Jun's hair fell into his face as Kang Ta kept wailing. Suddenly, BoA flies around the corner, complaining about an "ugly jacket" that SM Town wants her to wear for a photo shoot.

 

"They never get this right! I swear, even as old news as they are, S.e.S. gets ALL the attention!!" she cried, throwing her hands into the air with a huge sound of disgust. Then, she stopped dead in her tracks as she saw Kang Ta and Hee Jun together on the floor in a pool of blood.

 

"BoA! Please..." Kang Ta whispered, as he held Hee Jun close to him, tears running down his face. "Get him a candy bar...I would but..." Kang Ta motioned to his hands, trying to tell her that he couldn't really move at the moment.

 

"Uh...I..." she tried to speak, but was completely confused and shocked.

 

"H-He...H-Here..." Hee Jun whispered, handing her the now blood stained money he still held in his hand.

 

"Y-Yeah...sure..." BoA said, taking the money with her fingernails to avoid touching the blood.

 

After an hour had passed, BoA finally got the vending machine to take the wilted, bloody money. Hee Jun was already 3/4 of the way dead, and it wasn't looking any better. BoA handed the candy bar to Hee Jun, but he couldn't take it due to his hand having been eaten off. Kang Ta took the candy bar from BoA, and thanked her by bowing as much as he possibly could with Hee Jun still in his lap. Then, BoA walked away quickly, apparently very disgusted, frightened, and confused.


	3. Chapter 3

"Looks like this is the end." Hee Jun said licking a bit of Chocolate off his lips. "Funny, I always thought it would be at my own hands, not by some new fluffy hair kid from Ding Bing something. It is in my contract after all."

"Don't talk like that! You can't die!" Kang Ta wailed holding Hee Jun closer.

Just then the members of Fly to the Sky came around the corner. "You're cuter!" "No, you're cuter!They giggled as they playfully pushed each other. They stopped suddenly when they saw the bloody scene before them.

"What Happened?" Hwanhee cried rushing over, slipping a little in the blood.

"I got to eat two candy bars!" Hee Jun exclaimed with more enthusiasm than a dieing man should have had. Kang Ta was crying so hard he could barely talk but managed to got out, "Ding...Shi.... something ate him!"

"We need to call an ambulance!" Brain said already dialing his cell phone.

"WAIT!" Everyone turned to the shouting new comer, well Hee Jun tried to but Kang Ta was holding him so tightly it might have cut of his circulation had he enough blood left for it to matter.

"Mr. Soo Man!" Hwanhee said surprised.

Kang Ta burst into even MORE tears and tried to explain to their boss what had happened. Soo Man waved a hand absently at Kang Ta as he carefully stepped through all the blood to Hee Jun side.

"I have a pretty good idea what happened. We keep sending that kid to rehab but will he quit? Nooo. We would have replaced him already if it wasn't for his ridiculously huge fan base... and that really nice hair." Soo Man sighed as he lifted what was left of Hee Jun to what was left of his feet.

"There is no need to call an ambulance, we'll take him to the hospital inside the building."

"We have a hospital inside the SM building?" Brian asked as he and the others rushed to help carry Hee Jun.

"Of course! There are a lot less reporters to pay off if we take care of things ourselves!" He explained.

"Just let me die! You'll only make me diet again if I live!" Hee Jun tried to say over his boss as they carried him down the hall. They went into what they had thought was Blackbeats practice room. It was all a cover, and a good one because no one wondered why few people went in and out of the room and no one ever cared enough to wonder that far down the hall.

Inside nurses and doctors hurried to help Hee Jun and the other four, who were now convered in blood and a couple of them more than confused, stood and watched.

Kang Ta turned and was surprised to see Choi Kang in the bed across from Hee Jun. "Not you too!" He cried.

"LET ME DIE!" Hee Jun cried louder.


	4. Chapter 4

In Soo Man’s office, he sat in his chair facing the members of Dong Bong Shin Gi, minus Choi Kang, standing on the other side of his desk. Young Woong still had dried blood on his face, and he was licking at it.

“I don’t know what to say....” Soo Man said, shaking his head. “You think I can just pull singers out of my ass?! Young Woong you-“ But he couldn’t finish because Young Woong burped.

“Why are we here? We didn’t even do anything!” Sia wined.

“Ya, only Young Woong and Yun Ho should be in trouble!” Mickey added.

“What?!” Yun Ho spat out. “Why me?!”

“You are the leader of this group, you should take responsibility! You had to know he is some sick freak, you sleep with him!” Mickey yelled.

“You son of a bitch...” Yun Ho said through clenched teeth. “Don’t talk about things you don’t know about!”

“Don’t know about?!” Mickey screamed. “WE ALL SLEEP IN THE SAME ROOM, I KNOW!!!”

“Well at least I don’t sleep with a guy who wets the bed!” Yun Ho barked back.

The room went silent and Sia whimpered a little. “You...promised you wouldn’t tell...”

Soo Man stood up, slamming his hands on the desk. “You have injured Hee Jun and Choi Kang, killed 3 boys in training and Shoo, and bitten off Dana’s arm. I don’t care how good your hair is, how are you going to make this up to me?! I don’t think even I have enough money to cover this up! And I’ve covered up more then you know! The real Minwoo actually died in 1997, we’re on our forth one!”

BoA burst into the room in a fit of tears. Nine managers followed behind looking quite scared.

“BoA! What’s the matter?!” Soo Mon asked, coming out from behind the desk to hold her.

“They...They...They wanted me to get in this limo...” She chocked out through sobs.

“Yes?” Soo Man asked.

“And there wasn’t any rose petals on the seat! Why must I be treated so badly?!”

Yun Ho turned to Young Woong. “Why couldn’t you have eaten her?”

“I don’t like the taste of silicon.” He explained.

“Im so sorry BoA!” Soo Man gushed over her, holding her tight.

“I just feel like no one cares...” She cried into his neck.

“I know, I know. Ill take care of this...go buy yourself some clothes on me, okay?”

BoA’s hand was already in his back pocket, fetching his credit card. “Okay, I love you.” She leaned in for a kiss and Soo Man went to return it but saw the horrified faces of Dong Bong Shin Gi and decided against it. “You...just go get yourself something nice....”

BoA left quickly with her managers on her heels. Soo Man went to speak to the boys again but Dana walked in, one arm and all.

“What is this? A REVOLVING DOOR?!” Soo Man demanded.

“My arm! What am I going to do?!” Dana cried. “No one will buy any of my albums now...”

“No one was really buying them to begin with.” Soo Man admitted.

“Dana...” Yun Ho said softly.

Dana’s body stiffened as she heard her name spoken by him and slowly turned around, seeing him. Her face lit up and she slowly mouthed his name. Young Woong seeing all this went into a rage and jumped on her, ripping at her flesh again. Yun Ho started screaming and tried pulling him off of her, but to no avail.

“Help him!” Soo Man demanded of Mickey and Sia.

“Hell no.” Mickey shook his head.

“This is the last boy band in SM Town EVER!!!!!!” Soo Man screamed.

 

“How are my two favorite patients doing today?” A nurse asked, bringing in lunch to Hee Jun and Choi Kang.

“My life is so empty...” Moon Hee Jun muttered.

“That’s nice.” She said, setting Choi Kang’s tray down in front of him.

Before she could get too far, Choi Kang caught her arm and motioned for her to lean in. Once she did he whispered to her, “Please don’t go, when you leave he takes my food from me...”

Brian ran into the room, crying. “You are the only one I can talk to!” He said, flopping down beside Choi Kang.

“Oh no...” Choi Kang said under his breath.

“Hwanhee called me....he called me...whitewashed....AND IM SO NOT!!!”

“I remember...” Hee Jun began, and all of them looked over at him, curiously. “What its like to fight with your lover. I remember how much it hurts when they turn away from you in anger, and you want nothing more then to go back to the way things were...I also know what its like to just grow apart from your lover. The longing you feel. The sorrow that over comes you when you see him with another. How empty those nights are when you wonder who he is with, who is holding him like you used to...”

The three of them were in tears now.

“Moon...Hee Jun.” Kang Ta said from the door way, tears brimming in his eyes. “Oh Moon Hee Jun!” He cried out, running to his bed side, holding him. “Im so sorry...Im so sorry for all the time we lost...There have been many people who have given me a venereal disease, but you were always my favorite. I love you Hee Jun!”

“I love you too Kang Ta!” Hee Jun cried.


	5. Chapter 5

Hee Jun and Kang Ta stared at each other for a long moment, then Brian and Choi Kang's eyes widened as they saw the shoujo bubbles and bright rainbow background appear behind the two new lovers.

 

"Um..." Brian began, but Choi Kang slapped him and told him to just turn his face.

 

"They're gonna screw anyway...so don't try to stop them..." Choi Kang whispered. Just as Choi Kang finished speaking, Hee Jun reached up with his handless arms and pulled Kang Ta closer as their lips met in a passionate kiss.

 

"See what I mean?" Choi Kang said, shaking his head as Brian turned his head and threw up all over Choi Kang's lap. Hee Jun and Kang Ta both heard Brian's ralphing and broke their make out session to turn and look at him.

 

"What's his problem?" Hee Jun said, pulling a candy bar from under the covers and beginning to unwrap it.

 

"DAMN YOU BRIAN!!!!" Choi Kang screamed as he shoved Brian to the floor.

 

"Hee Jun, my darling...you shouldn't be eating sweets...you're in recovery...and it's back to FFA with you when you get out, too..." Kang Ta said to Hee Jun, snatching the candy bar out of his hand.

 

"What's FFA?" Choi Kang asked, using the bedsheets to clean the barf from his lap.

 

"F-Food...Freaks...Anonymous..." Hee Jun choked, trying to hold back tears. "How I hated that place...they never let me eat...they just...gave me...fat free water...and...saltine crackers...and..." Hee Jun couldn't finish as he burried his face in his blankets. Kang Ta just patted his back and began to eat the candy bar himself.

 

"I need this more than you...my fans have been writing me and telling me that ever since you went suicidal...I've been getting kind of anorexic." Kang Ta continued chewing the candy bar as Hee Jun cried into his blankets, Brian lay on the floor in a sickened daze, and Choi Kang bitched to himself about having to clean the barf off of himself.

 

 

Soo Man still sat in his office, along with Hero and Yun Ho. Hero was now in a straight jacket, trying to gnaw his own arms off so that he could get free of it.

 

"Why the hell am I still here!?" Yun Ho complained, moving his chair away from Hero.

 

"You're here because, as Mickey said, you're the leader. You take responsibility for this little shit here," Soo Man snapped, pointing to Hero, who was foaming at the mouth.

 

"It isn't MY fault you put a psychopath in the group!" Yun Ho yelled back.

 

"But it IS your fault for not keeping his ass in rehab. He openly stated that he was a cannibal...but did you help him say no to flesh? No you didn't. Therefor, you must pay for it. I'm cutting your salary in half, and you will not appear on the cover of any of the Dong Bong Shin Gi albums for the next 2 years..."

 

"WHAT!?!" Yun Ho screamed, shooting up from his chair. "2 years!?!" Yun Ho looked over to Hero and glared at him. "I let you...kiss me...and to think you could have eaten my face off..." Hero stopped trying to gnaw at the straight jacket and turned to look at Yun Ho adoringly.

 

"I could never eat you, baby. You're my un-edible angel..."

 

"You make me sick..." Yun Ho cried, knocking his chair over as he dashed from the room. Hero looked away as if he were hurt for a moment, then went back to trying to chew himself free.

 

"What the hell am I gonna do with a cannibalistic korean idol? If the public found out about this, the SM Town fanbase as a whole would drop and BoA wouldn't be able to afford new clothing, because everyone would hate SM Town. I would have to bring back H.O.T. and I would probably even have to bring back..." Soo Man inhaled deeply as he continued, "...I suppose I would even have to bring back S#arp...maybe create some propaganda...create a new clothing line...maybe some--what the hell am I doing!? I shouldn't have to do this because of you!" Soo Man cried as he stood up from his desk and over to stand by Hero, although making sure he kept his distance when seeing Hero start to snarl at him.

 

"Just let me out of this stupid thing!" Hero yelled, rocking back and forth in the chair violently.

 

"If I do that, little Young Woong, you'll only wind up eating me, and I can't possibly have that because anyone else who takes over this company won't take care of my precious BoA the way she should be taken care of..."

 

"DAMNIT!!!" Hero screamed, as his rocking turned too violent and he fell backwards onto the floor. Soo Man stared at him with a confused look. Suddenly, F4 clammered through the door, looking rather pissed off.

 

"Are you Soo Man?" Vanness said angrily, slamming his hands down on the desk.

 

"Who the hell are you!? You're not on the SM Town label!" Soo Man yelled back at them when he heard his nam, unable to understand the rest of the mandarin. Vic wobbled into the room as Jerry and Ken helped him.

 

"That little bitch ate my leg!" Vic cried, holding out his right stub for a leg as Jerry gave him more support.

 

"We only came here to make a new Pepsi commercial--" Ken complained as he dropped Vic and held up a Pepsi can, pointing to it with a smile as if promoting it. Jerry lost his balance, and he and Vic fell to the floor. Ken looked down and apologized, and Jerry stood up. Then they helped Vic back to his feet as Ken continued to bitch. "We came here to make a Pepsi commercial, and this brat just attacked him out of nowhere! It was like...he was possesed or something!"

 

"What the hell is this, who are you! What are you talking about!? I can't understand you!! Speak Korean!" Soo Man yelled, pushing Hero aside with his foot and stepping up the the four chinese idols.

 

"Hey Vanness...can you undo my straight jacket?" Hero whispered in mangled mandarin, trying desperately to vibrate himself over to Vanness's side. Everyone turned and stared at Hero, as he began to hum "Hug" to himself while he crazily, and very slowly made his way over to Vanness.


	6. Chapter 6

Vanness backed away from Hero quickly in fear and bumped into his band mates knocking them down again. This time Vic refused to get up and said nasty things to Hero, who only half understood him.

"We are so sueing your ass!" Vanness said in English as he got a chair and kept Hero away from him with it. Hero just started to naw on one of the chair legs contently.

"Sue?!" Soo Man knew that word. "No! No! Please!" He got into his desk and pulled out a briefcase full of cash he kept around to help in certain sticky situations like these. He opened it and all of F4 leaned forward.

"Is it alot?!" Jerry asked from the floor beside Vic who was drinking a can of Pepsi.

Vanness eyes went round and he nodded.

"Sign here!" Soo Man said in his heavily accented English waving a contract at Vanness.

"What about my leg?!" Vic cried.

"We'll buy you ten new ones!" Ken said eyeing the amount of money. Vanness signed quickly and Ken and he faught over the right to hold the breifcase a moment.

"I'm hungry." Hero said around a mouth full of wood as he looked longingly at Vic's other leg. Vic threw his empty soda can and it bounced off Hero's head.

~~

"Have you seen Kang Ta?" Hyesung asked another person he passed in the halls of the SM building.

"No, Sorry."

Hyesung wondered on and reluctantly went towards the blackbeat practice room. He had looked every where else...

"WHAT?! KANG TA!!" Everyone jumped when Hyesung screamed from the door way.

Kang Ta was tucked in the bed next to Hee Jun as they happily cuddled. Kang Ta went very pale and looked from his new lover to his old one.

"I... I..."

"What's happened?!" Brian asked waking up. He was now laying in a bed next to Choi Kang where a nurse put him after he passed out in a puddle of his own vomit. He had missed alot in the minutes he had been unconscious. Choi Kang, who wasn't lucky enough to have missed anything, came out from hiding under his pillow.

"Your cheating one me?! With him?!" Hyesung cried pointing at Hee Jun.

"Well... " Kang Ta stammered looking for his pants and saw them across the room.

"Do you love Kang Ta?" Hee Jun interjected into the conversation.

"What?" That surprised Hyesung out of yelling.

"Do you love him?" A long pause. "I didn't think so." Hee Jun took Kang Ta's hand. "Well I do. I have for years. Even those years we were apart and I knew he was with other people. But every day without him I found I loved him more than the day before." He was starting to sing a little. "I can't make it one more day without him, so please don't stand in our way." Hee Jun turned to Kang Ta who had tears running freely down his cheeks.

"Oh, Hee Jun!" They embraced and the burst of shoujo bubbles and rainbows nearly blinded everyone in the room. Choi Kang whimper and hid under his pillow again.

"Now who will I sleep with?" Hyesung asked leaning against the door frame.

Brian looked at his watch. "Well, I'm not doing anything for a while." He said with a shrug.

~~

F4, Soo Man and Hero happily sat around a table in the SM cafeteria eating lunch. Strangely, Everyone seemed to be getting along. Ken and Vanness were counting the money while Vic and Jerry were pushing more Pepsi Hero's way. Hero, free from his straight jacket, was hurriedly downing another can and adding the empty to a tower he was creating.

"So whenever you get a craving just drink Pepsi! It's a good way to quit any habit. Like smoking." Vic was saying.

"Or drinking." Jerry admitted.

"Or Heroin!" Ken said happily counting another stack of money. Everyone looked at him but he didn't notice.

The other members of DBSG came into the cafeteria and froze seeing Hero free and sitting peacefully with a group of people who hadn't had any limbs gone missing... recently...

"Yun Ho!" Hero said, bubbles in his eyes and Pepsi running down his chin.

"Hero." Yun Ho took an involentary step towards him.


	7. Chapter 7

Yun Ho and Young Woong had a quiet moment of looking longingly into each others eyes...before going at it like rabbits. It was a passionate scene of groping, blood, and Pepsi. Everyone tried to ignore it and kept eating. Sia and Mickey sat down to join them.  
“Stupid gay sons of bitches.” Mickey said in English.  
“You speak English?!” Vanness asked, also in English.  
“Yes.” Mickey said.  
“Oh that is right, you both speak English!” Soo Man said. “Mickey, tell them to get the hell of here!”  
“What he say?” Vanness asked Mickey.  
“He said you should meet me in the bathroom in ten minutes.”  
Vanness’s mouth fell open and Sia leaned over to Mickey.  
“What did you say to him?” Sia asked.  
“Uh nothing...I have to go to the bathroom, excuse me.”  
Ten minutes after Mickey left, Vanness excused himself as well.

Hee Jun stood at a pay phone in the hall, propping the phone against his ear with the nubs left from his severed hands.  
“Hello?” Asked a voice on the other line.  
“Woo Hyuk?!” Hee Jun asked happily.  
“Ya.”  
“Its Moon Hee Jun!”  
“....Great.”  
“Guess what?!”  
“Gee, I would love to guess, but I just don’t care.”  
There was a sound of Woo Hyuk setting the phone on the table and walking away.  
“Hello?” Hee Jun called into the phone. “Hello??? HELLOOOOOO?!”  
“Hello?” Called back curiously.  
“Hello?” Hee Jun asked.  
“Hello!”  
“Hello!”  
“Whos this?” Tony asked happily.  
“Hee Jun! Tony is that you?!”  
“Yes!!!”  
“Hello Tony!”  
“Hello Hee Jun!”  
Hee Jun heard some yelling in the back ground, “Tony, shut the fuck up!”  
“What’s up Hee Jun?” Tony asked a bit quieter.  
“I just had to tell you guys....Guess what?”  
“What?” Tony asked excitedly.  
“Guess who’s back together?!”  
“Who!?” Tony asked, even more excited.  
“Kang Ta and I!”  
“NO WAY”  
“WAY!!!”  
“NO WAY!!!!!!!”  
“WAY!!!!!!!!!!!”  
“NO WA-“  
”TONY SHUT THE FUCK UP BEFORE I SHUT YOU UP!” Woo Hyuk screamed from the other room.  
“I better go...Woo Hyuk isn’t in a good mood...”  
“Awww...alright...Ill talk to you later!”  
“Alright bye!” Tony hung up and went to set the phone on the charger when he noticed Jae Won sitting at the table, making Tony jump.  
“How long have you been there?!” Tony said, trying to calm his breathing down.  
“Since yesterday...” Jae Won muttered.  
“This whole time?”  
Jae Won nodded.  
“Wait....since when yesterday?”  
“Since 9 AM.”  
“9 AM....But last night...Woo Hyuk and I...on the counter...”  
“Ya, you guys are nasty.”  
“............Go home Jae Won.”

“HYESUNG?! WITH HYESUNG?!” Hwanhee was screaming, chasing Brian down the hall, as Brian was zipping up his pants. Ken and Jerry watched them go.  
“Im so bored man.” Ken yawned.  
“Me too...where is Vic?” Jerry asked.  
“Gangrene. I think he’s dead. I was going to take him to the clinic but then I though...eh, who cares?”  
“Ya, forget it.” Jerry crossed his arms and leaned against the wall.  
“......Dude?”  
“Ya?” Jerry looked over at him.  
“Where is the money?” Ken asked.  
“The....the money....Vanness had it last...”  
They both ran into the bathroom, and saw the money, under Mickey and Vanness. The sight was too much and they both started projectile vomiting. But, Jerry being the trouper he is, started grabbing for the money anyway.


	8. Chapter 8

Just as Jerry reached his hand out to grab the handle on the briefcase, Vanness rolled onto his back and smashed Jerry's hand underneath him.

 

"VANNESS STOP BEING A WHORE AND GET OFF MY--ER OUR MONEY!!" Jerry cried, trying to pull his hand out from underneath Vanness's back. All of a sudden, Vic came into the bathroom. Ken and Jerry both turned to look at him. Even Vanness and Mickey stopped having sex to turn and look. The skin all around his stub was green, dripping with pus, and crispy skin was flaking off.

 

"Give us our fucking money..." Vic managed to say as he jumped on top of Mickey and began to kick the snot out out of him with his only leg.

 

"You guys..." Ken and Jerry said in unison as they both reached out for the briefcase once again. Vanness backed away from the fight, obviously shocked at what he had been doing.

 

"Was I just having sex with...a man?" he said to himself as he stared at Mickey and Vic fighting on the bathroom floor. Vic had kicked Mickey so hard in the face, it knocked his eye out of the socket and broke his nose. Vanness watched as blood began to seep from Vic's stubby leg, but he did nothing as he remained there, shocked at only himself.

 

"Oh Yun Ho!!!" Hero wailed happily as he and Yun Ho crashed into the bathroom and landed on the floor together. Hero and Yun Ho were engaged in a make out session that didn't seem to be stopping any time soon, and they hadn't noticed anyone else around them. Jerry and Ken turned to look at the two lovers, Vanness still stared distantly ahead at the fight, and Vic continued to beat the crap out of Mickey with his missing leg.

 

"Hero...promise me if you're ever hungry again, you'll eat real food!" Yun Ho asked in between kisses.

 

"I...I..." Hero frowned and pushed Yun Ho off of him. "I can't promise you that...as much as I love you...and as much as I always will...I can't stop eating people...it's so addicting...like you." As Hero said this, he pulled Yun Ho back toward him and began kissing him again. Soo Man suddenly came into the bathroom humming Dana's song "Kiss Me." He was already in the process of unbuttoning his pants to go to the bathroom when he noticed how crowded the room was.

 

"I really need to fire her and--AAAHHHH!!! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON IN HERE!?!" Soo Man yelled, rebuttoning his pants quickly as he flew back against the door in shock, disgust, and even more shock. Ken cleared his throat and began to explain.

 

"You see, Vanness and Mickey were here in the bathroom having sex, and we just wanted our money back...so naturally me and Jerry tried to get it. When Jerry tried to reach for it, Vanness rolled over onto his hand. Then, Vic, who apparently ISN'T dead from gangrene, came in and started to beat Mickey up because he thinks that Mickey stole our money...which in reality Vanness stole it, but he didn't really steal it. Anyway, Vanness finally realized that he was being gay, literally, and now he's too shocked to do anything at all. Then, Yun Ho and Hero came in and started making out on the floor, Yun Ho asked Hero not to be a cannibal anymore, and Hero couldn't agree, but Yun Ho let it go, so they started making out again. And well...that's when you came in..." Ken finished, looking at Jerry for approval and Jerry gave him a thumbs up. Soo Man stood there with the most unbelievably clueless look on his face as he tried to follow all the mandarin, but failed BADLY.

 

"What the FUCK did you just say?" Soo Man said, exhasperated as he slapped a hand to his forehead.

 

"What?" Ken and Jerry said, looking at each other.

 

"What?!" Soo Man said again, still unable to understand them due to the horrible language barrier.

 

"I don't know..." Jerry said to Ken, then they both shrugged and turned away from Soo Man to give their attention back to the fight. Vic was now sitting on top of Mickey, who was now practically beaten to death, Vic's stub soaked in blood and saliva. Mickey's eye still hanging from its socket, and his jaw now broken, with teeth missing. Vic had calmed down and was now trying to move himself away from Mickey's limp, half dead body.

 

"Was I being GAY!?" Vanness cried in english, turning to look at Jerry and Ken hopefully, tears building up in his eyes.

 

"Of course you were," Yun Ho and Hero said together as they finally broke their romantic atmosphere and overheard Vanness's question, and surprisingly understood.

 

"NOOOO!!" Vanness cried, jumping up from his depressive slump on the floor and ran from the bathroom in tears.

 

"Is he okay?" Hero asked in heavily accented english toward Soo Man.

 

"What the HELL did he say!?" Soo Man said, more confused than ever.

 

"He asked you if Vanness is okay," Ken said in mandarin.

 

"What the fuck did YOU say!?" Soo Man said to Ken, on the verge of passing out due to way too much stress.

 

"T-They....said..." Mickey started to say weakly through the blood that sprayed from his mouth, watching Vic hobble away from him. "...they asked..." Mickey couldn't say anymore, as he then passed out cold from loss of blood.

 

Meanwhile, back in Hee Jun and Choi Kang's room, Vanness sat on a bed and cried his heart out. Hee Jun and Choi Kang stared at each other in confusion as Vanness talked to himself in both mandarin and english.

 

"What the hell is he talking about? He's not even on this label, who is this guy?" Hee Jun said, pointing to Vanness with a stub that held a candy bar.

 

"I don't know...who cares, as long as he doesn't try and talk to us..." Choi Kang answered back, pulling out a crossword book. Suddenly, a girl walked into the room, holding an autograph book in her hand.

 

"AAAHHH!!! CHOI KANG AND HEE JUN!!!!" she screamed, jumping up and down.

 

"Who the fuck are you? How the hell did you get in here!?" Choi Kang yelled, looking up from his crossword puzzle.

 

"I'm Jacqui...I had to stab the security guards to death to get in here...can I have your autograph?" the girl said in fairly decent korean, flying up to Hee Jun's bedside.

 

"Um...heh..." Hee Jun showed Jacqui his handless arms and she gasped.

 

"Oh...um...well..."

 

"Don't worry...I keep autographed shit with me all the time...I always encounter things like this..." Hee Jun said, waving away the girl's confusion as he pulled out several different autographed photos of himself.

 

"KYA!!!!" Jacqui screamed, taking them all with her and then moving to Choi Kang's bedside.

 

"Wait!! I need some of those!" Hee Jun cried, but the girl didn't listen to him as she then pelted Choi Kang for an autograph.

 

"Can I have yours too!?" she said happily.

 

"Um...okay..." Choi Kang said. He took his pen, tore out a page of the puzzle book he thought looked boring, and signed it. When he handed it over to Jacqui, she wailed with joy.

 

"Thank you guys so mu--is that..." she said, peering over at Vanness as he sat next to Choi Kang, crying like a baby.

 

"Don't ask me, I haven't a clue who that guy is..." Choi Kang said, going back to his puzzles as Hee Jun still cried and bitched about Jacqui taking all his autographed photos.

 

"IT'S VANNESS WU!!! THE REAL WU JIAN HAO!!!!" Jacqui screamed, running up to him. "V-Vanness..." she whimpered in english, knowing he understood her. She was unable to control her happiness and obvious nervous feeling now that she had finally met the man of her dreams.

 

"I was being....gay...with...a guy...and...who are you?" Vanness sobbed, lifting his head up to see who was talking to him.

 

"I'm J...Ja...I'm J..." the girl stammered, trying to get the words out, but unable to do so as she looked into his teary eyes.

 

"Wait...you're a...female aren't you?" he said, his face lighting up and a smile returning to his face as he wiped away his tears.

 

"Heh...yeah...you don't want me to prove it to you do you?" she asked, unable to take her eyes off the beautiful creature.

 

"Hell no..." he said, grabbing her hand as he led her to the door.

 

"KYAAAA!!!!!" the girl screamed again, tucking her autographs away and following Vanness out of the room happily.

 

"Hey um...guys...we were never here alright?" Vanness said once more before lifting Jacqui into his arms. Choi Kang pretended not to hear Vanness, and Hee Jun continued to bitch about his photos. Vanness shrugged and looked adoringly at Jacqui, she giggled, then he carried her out of the room and away from the SM Entertainment building. The last thing that could be heard was Vanness screaming something about being in love, marriage and babies, and no more gay sex.

 

"Who the fuck were they?" Choi Kang finally said after a few moments, but not looking up from his puzzle.

 

"I want my autographed photos back..." Hee Jun cried, covering his face with his pillow.


	9. Chapter 9

“Change the channel.” Vic said, from his hospital bed next to Choi Kang’s.  
“Ya, change it.” Hee Jun said from the other side.  
“How did you know what he said?” Choi Kang asked.  
“I’ve been around.”  
“I’d believe that...And Im not changing it, I like this show.”  
“Change it!” Vic yelled.  
“Change it!” Hee Jun repeated in Korean.  
Suddenly, Mickey sat up from the fourth bed that was brought in a while ago. He had an eye patch on and was covered in bloody bandages. “Where the hell am I? Who am I? What’s that on TV? Change it!” He yelled.  
“IM NOT CHANGING IT!” Choi Kang screamed.  
Sia came into the room, and went to Mickey’s side.  
“I heard what happened.” He said, sitting down.  
“What happened? Who are you?” Mickey asked.  
“Who...am I? Im Kim Joon Soo. Im Sia! You don’t remember me?” He asked in tears.  
“I don’t remember you, I don’t remember me, and I don’t remember them.” Mickey pointed to the other three who were arguing a few different languages.  
“You are Bahk Yoo Chun. Mickey!”  
“.....As in mouse?”  
“.....Yes. We are in the same band, Dong Bong Shin Gi!”  
“Dong Bang Kinky?! What the hell kinda band is it?!” Mickey demanded.  
“No, Dong Bong Shin Gi! It’s a boy band.” Sia assured.  
“A BOY BAND?! IM IN A BOY BAND?! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!”  
Sia took his hand and squeezed it reassuringly. Mickey looked down at it and back at him.  
“You.....we aren’t....are we?”  
Sia nodded.  
“IM GAY TOO?! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”  
Vic threw a bed pan and hit Mickey in the head.  
“Shut up! Im starting to get into this show!”  
Mickey fell unconscious again.  
“So, this dude Chang Hun was dating this chick Aesun but then she met up with an old high school friend, Byung Hoon. Aesun remembered that she loved Byung Hoon once but didn’t want to remember her feelings in fear of breaking up with Chang Hun. Chang Hun is actually best friends with Byung Hoon, but Aesun doesn’t know it. When Byung Hoon went to Chang Hun to ask for advice on a girl he liked, who is actually Aesun, Chang Hun says to go for her no matter what. Oh ya, and Byung Hoon doesn’t know Aesun is the girl Chang Hun is going out with. And then Aesun finds out she has cancer, but the person she goes to right away is Byung Hoon. But she ends up not telling him about it because she doesn’t want anyone to know.” Choi Kang explained.  
“What he say?” Vic asked Hee Jun.  
“Okay like...He said there is this guy and girl and they like each other and this other guy comes and he’s all...like...knows the guy and the guys like ya get a girl and the girl is his girl and the other guy is like alright.”  
“Sweet, turn it up.” Vic said.

“You look thirsty Ken, go get yourself a Pepsi.” Jerry said, sitting in the hall next to Ken, with the money between them.  
“Nice try...” Ken glared at him. “Why don’t YOU get a Pepsi?!”  
“I always have one on hand...” Jerry whipped out a can of Pepsi, and held it next to his face, and smiled at a camera he saw in his minds eye.  
“Then give me that Pepsi!”  
“No!”  
“I see, you are going to keep it, LIKE YOU WANT TO DO WITH THE MONEY!” Ken yelled, grabbing the briefcase of money.  
“YOU LET GO OF THAT, IT ISN’T YOURS!!!” Jerry grabbed the other end.  
They started pulling at it and cursing at each other. Eventually the briefcase opened and they saw there was no money in it.  
“You....YOU TOOK IT!!!!!!!” Ken accused.  
“You moron! If I took it why would I fight with you over this damn briefcase?!” Jerry demanded.  
“You have a point...Then who has it? Not Vic, we dumped his ass in the clinic...”  
“Not Vanness...right? I mean....right?  
“Wait....when he brought that white girl with him and she was pulling at us and getting autographs...the briefcase was behind us....Where was he when all that was going on?” Ken asked.  
“THAT BASTARD USED THAT BITCH TO DISTRACT US!!!”  
They both went running out the SM Studios to find Vanness.

“You know what isn’t gay?” Jacqui asked. “Buying me some more CDs, DVDs, VCDs, photobooks, keychains, glossys, Plushies, comics, hair dye-“  
”But look at all I got already, doesn’t that make me not gay?!” Vanness cut her off and pointed to the minivan he had to rent to carry all the stuff he got her already.  
“YOU WANT TO RISK BEING EVEN A LITTLE GAY?!” Jacqui demanded.  
“...No...NO! IM NOT GAY, IM NOT GAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”  
“YOU GAY SON OF A BITCH!” Jerry screamed jumping on Vanness.  
Ken and Jerry started punching Vanness anywhere they could make connect. Jacqui even put down her ice cream to try to pull the two off.  
“Where is the money?!” Ken asked, between punches.  
“Money?!” Vanness gasped.  
“THE MONEY, WHERE IS OUR MONEY?!” Jerry reiterated.  
“Its gone!” Vanness cried. “I spent it! No, she spent it!” He managed to point at Jacqui.  
“YOU SPENT OUR MONEY?!” Ken screamed in a rage, but kept hitting Vanness.  
“You stupid bitch!” Jerry pushed her against the wall and punched her in the face.


	10. Chapter 10

Jacqui cried out and covered her bleeding nose. "You hit me..." She looked at Jerry in Shock.

"And I'll do it again, bitch!"

Jacqui knocked his threatening fist out of the air and screamed angrily as blood ran off her chin. "YOU HIT ME!" She went to punch him in the face, stopped because he was too beautiful, and kicked him in the crotch.

Vanness had scrambled under the mini van and hid where Ken wasn't willing to follow. While yelling and kicking at him Ken looking in one of the mini vans windows. "Is that...?" He opened the van door and a rush of merchandise spilled onto the street out of the packed vehicle. He stepped on a Vic plushy and pushed a Kang Ta poster out of the way as he leaned into the van.

"Hey! You bought my Sky of Love DVD?" Ken asked leaning out of the van and waving the new DVD around. "This movie was crap! Why the hell would you buy this?

Jacqui was pulling Jerry off the ground by the collar as she glanced over. "Of course I bought it! I love you guys!" She said kicking Jerry in the stomach.

Vanness pocked his head out from under the van a little. "She mostly bought F4 stuff... If you think about it she really was just putting the money back in our pockets."

"Oh shut up!" Ken kicked at his head.

~~

Hee Jun was whipping his eyes with a tissue as they stared at the credits on the TV. "I can't believe Byung Hoon yelled at Aesun like that! SHE HAS CANCER, ASS!" He tossed the used tissue at the screen.

"That was such a sad episode!" Vic said tearily as DBSG's commercial for Yeep came on.

"How do you know? You can't understand Korean!" Choi Kang pointed out as he spoke the language that Vic didn't understand.

"What?" Vic asked.

"How do you know Mandarin?" Hee Jun asked playing with a few bloody bandages on his arm.

"You're not the only one who gets around." Choi Kang lifted a brow. Hee Jun and Vic burst into laughter. "What?! How the hell does he know what I said?!" Choi Kang pointed at Vic right before he fell out of his bed he was laughing so hard.

Soo Man threw the clinic door open, stepped over Vic, and stopped beside Mickey's bed. Mickey had just woken up and was staring at the TV. "Is that me?!"

Being ignored and not liking it Soo Man looked around for a heavy object and only found the bed pan Vic had thrown a while ago. He used it to hit Mickey over the head and this time the boy stayed conscious.

"What the hell was that for?!" Mickey yelled rubbing his head. The others all stopped laughing to watch, this being more interesting than the soap opera that came on next.

"How could you loose your memory?!" Soo Man hit him again. Mickey fell back on his pillow and was less argumentative about that blow. Sia came running in, jumped over Vic with an amazing show of grace and put himself between his boss and his lover. Which got him hit on the forehead by the bed pan. Sia fell to the floor very ungracefully.

"What the --" Stop that, we don't need you brain dead too!" Soo Man yelled.

"Sia..." Mickey leaned off the bed to help him up.

"Do you remember him?" Soo Man asked hopefully.

Mickey stared at Sia a moment and Sia looked back hopefully. "I just have a vauge memory of jalapenos and sex." Sia blushed furiously and sunk back to the floor. Soo man hit Mickey with the bed pan again.


	11. Chapter 11

Ken was busy going through all the crap that Vanness had bought for Jacqui to prove that he wasn't gay, Jerry was busy wrestling on the ground with Jacqui,

 

Vanness was still hiding under the van crying that he wasn't gay.

 

"HEY!!!" Ken yelled as he pulled a bunch of F4 merchandise from the van. "Why are we fighting with Jacqui? Apparently she loves us and would never do any of that stuff we said before...we should really beat that Ping Pang Pong kid's ass for eating Vic's leg and getting us into all this!" Jerry and Jacqui both stopped fighting when they heard this, and Vanness crawled out from under the van.

 

"Yeah..." Jerry said as he let Jacqui go and pulled himself to his feet.

 

"Yeah..." Vanness said, running over to Jacqui and lifting her up into his arms, cuddling her.

 

"So let's go look for that little bastard and kick his ass!" Ken said, throwing all the F4 stuff back into the van. But as Ken tried to close the door, a whole bunch of stuff came tumbling back out. Ken shoved and kicked and beat everything back into the van as tightly as he could, then forced the door shut.

 

"I'm sorry Jacqui," Jerry said, smiling at her with an adorably bashful look.

 

"Ah forget it..." Jacqui said, smiling back at him as she leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. Then the four of them began heading back to the SM Town studios to look for Hero.

 

"I can't say I regret any of this happening, baby...I wouldn't have met you if it didn't..." Vanness cooed, pulling her tightly to him.

 

"Oh Nessie! I love you!" Jacqui cried happily, clinging to him.

 

"I love you too, babe," Vanness said again, grinning at her.

 

"Oh god, are they--" Jerry began, but Ken cut him off.

 

"Yeah...probably. But if they do wind up fucking, we'll just go kick that kid's ass ourselves. Vanness always gets the sex anyway...we just get the empty promises...get used to it 'Dao Ming Si'..." Ken said, patting Jerry on the back as they both rolled their eyes, Vanness and Jacqui giggling happily together behind them.

 

 

 

Soo Man had now taken control of the TV, and beat anyone over the head with the bed pan whenever they said something and interrupted his concentration. Kang Ta had found his way back into the room and was cuddling in bed with Hee Jun, and Sia and Mickey were also cuddling together in bed. Choi Kang sat in his bed, disgusted with all the filthy gayness he saw around him, never having known that his fellow SM Town mates had all been sleeping together like whores. Vic had long since passed out, his leg all scabby and still draining a little pus into the bed pan he had put under his stub.

 

"What the fuck is this?" Choi Kang complained.

 

"This is what you call a sabaticle..." Hee Jun giggled as Kang Ta tickled his side.

 

"A what?" Choi Kang snapped back.

 

"You know, why do you have such an attitude? You were so girly before, now you're just a dirty mouthed little brat..." Kang Ta spat back at Choi Kang.

 

"MY BAND MATE TRIED TO EAT ME!!!" Choi Kang screamed. Then, Soo Man hit him in the head with the bed pan and told him to shut up. Vic's snoring had become so loud that Soo Man reached over and thwaped him upside the head, too.

 

"Hey! You have no reason to make any noise! You're not even on my record label! Shut up!" Soo Man yelled, as Vic snapped into consciousness.

 

"Wha? Where am I? What's going on?" Vic said.

 

"Kang Ta...when you said...he was girly before...how did you know that?" Hee Jun asked seriously, staring deep into Kang Ta's eyes.

 

"W-Well...I did help with the lyrics for that song...heh..." Kang Ta said, trying to say it all calmly. At that moment, F3, along with Jacqui, burst into the room and started searching all over for Hero.

 

"Where is that little bitch!?" Ken yelled, throwing aside a few tables while Jerry lifted each occupant's matress. Vanness carried Jacqui to the back of the room, flopped down on a bed and they began making out. Soo Man shot up from his seat and began to beat everyone on the head with the bed pan, as they were all making noise and he couldn't concentrate on a dubbed in korean version of All My Children. Sia and Mickey had fallen asleep together in bed, and they had on headphones, listening to Olivia Newton John's "I Honestly Love You." Both unable to hear the commotion going on around them.

 

"Nessie!!! Don't touch me there, it tickles!" Jacqui giggled from the back of the room as everyone could hear them rolling around in sexual bliss.

 

"Guys! You've come to rescue me!" Vic wailed, reaching out for Ken or Jerry, whoever helped him first.

 

"What did he say?" Kang Ta mumbled, cuddling up next to Hee Jun as Soo Man went around the room and banged everyone in the head with the bed pan.

 

"I still want to know how you knew about Choi Kang being girly...how would you know something like that unless..." Hee Jun trailed off, to scared to finish the sentence.

 

"Oh Hee Jun! Don't worry! I never did anything with Choi Kang!"

 

"That's bullshit," Choi Kang said, pulling out his puzzle book again.

 

"I was only helping Pang Ding Dong with their song! I--"

 

"THAT IS IT!!!" Choi Kang screamed, leaping from his bed as he ran over to Kang Ta and started beating him with the puzzle book. "IT'S DONG BONG SHIN GI!!!!! DONG....BONG....SHIN....GI!!!! WHY CAN NO ONE AT ALL GET THAT FUCKING NAME RIGHT!?!?! IT'S ALWAYS PING OR PONG OR DING OR DANG OR PANG OR SOME OTHER STUPID WORD THAT ISN'T EVEN CLOSE!!!!"

 

"Hee Jun!" Kang Ta cried, trying to protect himself against the book.

 

"Kang Ta!" Hee Jun cried back, rolling on top of Kang Ta to protect him as the book hit Hee Jun now instead. "I will protect you! I'm still kinda chubby, so the magazine will just bounce off of me!"

 

"DAMNIT WILL YOU PEOPLE LET ME LISTEN TO MY PROGRAM!?" Soo Man yelled, finally breaking everyone's attention in the room and all eyes went straight to him. All except Jacqui and Vanness, who were in the back still laughing and going at it.

 

"Look, we just want to find that stupid pang bong kid who ate our band mate's leg..." Ken said, pulling back some curtains to look behind them.

 

"What did he say?" Soo Man said, looking back to Choi Kang and Hee Jun for translation, but seeing that they were occupied beating and getting beaten. Soo Man shrugged, losing interest all of a sudden in everything that had been going on. "I think I'll go find BoA and see if that 4th Minwoo wants to record a new hit song with her..." he said to himself as he walked out of the room and Yun Ho came barreling in.


	12. Chapter 12

“Where is Young Woong?!” Yun Ho asked in a panic.  
“Who?” Mickey asked.  
“Wasn’t he with you, Yun Ho?” Sia asked.  
“I...He was, but I went to get us some juice boxes and next thing I knew he was gone.” He said sadly, holding a juice box in either hand.  
Just then, Young Woong’s screaming sounded through the halls. Yun Ho went running in that direction, while Choi Kang turned up the volume on the TV.

Yun Ho burst into the recording studio like a super hero, looking for Young Woong and sure enough, found him. BoA stood over Young Woong’s fallen body in a rage. She had a chunk of his hair in her hand and was spitting fire, metaphorically.  
“What’s going on?!” Yun Ho demanded, going to Young Woong’s side.  
“That little bitch was using my hair spray!” BoA said, stomping her feet.  
“I just used a little you stupid slut!” Young Woong yelled.  
BoA lifted her foot and stepped down hard on Young Woong’s pelvis with her high heel. Both Young Woong and Yun Ho started screaming, Young Woong much louder though. Yun Ho jumped up and grabbed BoA by the shoulders, biting into her neck. He bit deep and ripped out everything his teeth had dug into. A second mouth yawned opened in her snow white powered neck and vomited blood onto her designer clothes.  
Just then Soo Man burst into the door to see what was going on and saw BoA’s lifeless body slip from Yun Ho’s claws.  
“No....” Soo Man mouthed, then screamed out “NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!” He ran to BoA’s body and scooped her up clumsily in his arms, her head fell bad in an inhuman manner, and her crimson flesh tore a little more around the gaping wound. “BoA.....BoA....no....please no....I....I love you BoA! You make me so much money!” He wailed out as her wide dead eyes gazed up at him.  
“Yun.......ho......” Young Woong gasped out in tears, as he held his crotch tightly. “We’re in trouble....”  
“Come on, we have to get you help...” Yun Ho said, picking him up.

The clinic room was now filled with so many beds there was no space between them anymore. Starting from the far end was Jacqui who was waiting for Vanness to return from where ever Ken and Jerry dragged him off to, then Brian who was beaten to a pulp by Hwanhee for sleeping with Hyesung, then Hwanhee who fell down the stairs while beating Brian (neither of them were talking to the other right now), thenYoung Woong with Yun Ho holding the ice pack for him, next to them was Choi Kang who still had control of the channel changer, then Vic who’s leg was really starting to smell, and lastly Hee Jun and Kang Ta who were cuddling.  
Soo Man burst into the room with the 4th Minwoo in high heels and more make up then usual.  
“This is our BoA!” He announced, as the 4th Minwoo stuffed tissue into his new bra.  
“Brian, Hwanhee, you are going to perform with her next week at a festival in Seol. Then DBSG will sing with her for the closing...”  
“Oh great....” Choi Kang muttered.  
“BoA got hot all of a sudden.” Brian said to himself, and HwanHee glared at him and moved closer to Young Woong and Yun Ho.  
“Come on BoA, lets go in my office and uh...do initiations.” He winked.  
As they left, Sia leaned forward to look at Choi Kang. “I think boss has gone crazy.”  
“No, that’s just BoA when she hasn’t shaven or have her boobs in place.” Choi Kang answered.

In the cafeteria F3 sat around a table talking, with a spread of Pepsi cans in front of them.  
“We need to get Vic and get on the first flight to Taiwan.” Ken said.  
“No!” Vanness gasped.  
“That’s fine, we don’t have to take Vic.” Jerry assured.  
“No! I mean, I can’t leave! I love Jacqui!” Vanness admitted.  
“Who?” The other two asked.  
“T-The girl I’ve been sleeping with.” Vanness explained.  
Just then the girl he was sleeping ran up, out of breath.  
“Jacqui!” Vanness said, standing up to greet her.  
“Vanness, there is something I need to tell you....Im pregnant!” Jacqui burst out.  
Vanness fell onto the table, knocking Pepsi cans everywhere.  
“What she say?!” Jerry asked.  
Ken whipped out a Mandarin-English dictionary and they both flipped through it. When they found the word “Pregnant” they both burst into laughter and had to hold each other to keep from falling to the floor.  
“How....did....you find this out?” Vanness asked in shock.  
“Sia and I got bored so we took some pregnancy tests, and I found out.”  
Meanwhile, Mickey was explaining to a crying Sia that he wasn’t going to be pregnant any time soon, so he should shut the hell up.  
“Is it mine?!” Vanness asked in a hopeful panic.  
“YES ITS YOURS, WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM?!” Jacqui screamed.  
Vanness jumped from the table and scooped up arm fulls of Pepsi and made a dash for the door, yelling “HURRY UP YOU TWO WE HAVE TO GET ON THE FIRST FIGHT THE HELL OUT OF HERE!” But Ken and Jerry were still laughing to hard to follow.  
“His first time with a man and he ends up knocking up a girl...” Jerry cried joyfully.  
“WHAT DID HE SAY?!” Jacqui asked Ken and Jerry, but now they were laughing so hard they were rolling around on the floor...even if they understood English, they couldn’t have answered.


	13. Chapter 13

Tension in the room began to rise as so many people tried to put up with each other in such close circumstances. Hero would accidentally get onto Hwanhee's bed which would start a bitch slap fight. Vic, who was going though Pepsi withdraw would burst into tears for no reason and no one knew what he was yelling about in mandarin. Well, Hee Jun knew but he was either to busy with Kang Ta, or eating more candy bars that Kang Ta had brought him.

"Change the channel!" Brian yelling again over the noise that was raising in the room.

"Go to hell!" Choi Kang yelled back turning the Volume all the way up.

"I want a baby!" Sia took his face out of a pillow long enough to scream over everyone then slammed his face back into the depths of the cotton. Mickey had given up yelling at him, since he wouldn't have been heard over the TV anyway, so he just patted his lovers back as he wondered how in the hell he got together with this gender confused boy.

Hwanhee had just lost the slap fight against Hero because when he started to aim lower Yun Ho jumped in to defend what he obviously cherished. Crying Hwanhee rubbed the side of his head and scooted as far away from Hero and Yun Ho as hee could. Which put him, literally, against Brian. But he would rather deal with his angry lover than the younger, vicious, couple who had decided to make out to celebrate their victory.

"Are you alright?" Brain asked.

"What do you care?" Hwanhee whipped his bloody nose with the back of his hand.

"I care!" Brian said touching Hwanhee's arm. They looked at each other. A sudden burst of volume drowned out what Brain said next but the result was apparent as they started to go at it too.

That made four couple in the room who were getting in heated situations and making alot of noise about it. Choi Kang was ready to snap and Vic already had.

"Where are my friends?!" Vic cried hugging himself.

"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU ALL!" Choi Kang declared after being bumped my Hero and Yun Ho as they rolled around. He sat up, holding the remote in a deadly fashion.

Just then Jacqui ran in with arm loads of Pepsi and dumped them all over Vic's bed. Light filled Vic's eyes and he dove for it, bighting through the tin to get at the liquid. Jacqui dodged a flying remote that ended up bouncing off a cabinet then hitting the back of Brian's head. She pulled a net out of no where and laid her trap out just in time for Vanness to come running in wildly looking for the Pepsi. He dove for Vic's bed and the youngest member of F4 was ready to defend his prize with the jagged edges of a Pepsi can. But before he could get there the net sprung up around Vanness, which Jacqui gathering and dragged out of the room. Vanness screaming the whole time, "I just didn't want to be gay!!!"


	14. Chapter 14

Jacqui hauled Vanness down the hallway, with him screaming how he just didn't want to be gay and Jacqui reassuring him that he wasn't because he had gotten her pregnant.

 

"Nessie baby, you're not gay...you're with me, how could you be gay?" Jacqui cooed as she dragged him out of the SM Town building and out to a car that looked as if it belonged to the FBI.

 

"But...you're pregnant! A-Are you absolutely sure it's mine!?" Vanness wailed from behind, falling all over himself trying to get out of the netting.

 

"YES! DO YOU WANT ME TO TAKE THE TEST IN FRONT OF YOU!?" Jacqui screamed, tossing him into the car as they finally reached it.

 

"Well..." Vanness said, biting his lip and looking at Jacqui with suggestive eyes.

 

"Oh god...we're going to the Seoul aiport! Now!" Jacqui said, getting in after Vanness and slamming the door. F2 came running out of the SM Town building hauling Vic with them just as the car sped around a corner.

 

"Well shit..." Ken said, dropping Vic as he realized they just missed Vanness. Vic crashed to the ground, hitting his head on the pavement, knocking him out cold.

 

"We'd better start having auditions for a new F4 member..." Jerry said, his hands against his sides as he gasped for air.

 

 

 

Meanwhile, back in the SM Town hospital, Soo Man had tied everyone up into a bundle on the floor. As they all sat struggling to get free, Soo Man walked in circles around them, giving them all the third degree.

 

"Why can't you people be normal? Sia and Micky are trying to have a baby, and Sia doesn't understand that it JUST WON'T HAPPEN! Hwanhee has turned into even more of a little bitch than normal...Brian has turned gay, and why I didn't find that out sooner I have no idea. Choi Kang has a disgustingly filthy mouth, Hee Jun and Kang Ta are OPENLY gay now, of which they should still be keeping under wraps. Yun Ho is in love with Young Woong, who is a fucking cannibal, and I just received news that after he ate BoA, he attacked and ate my secretary! I've been forced to make the 4th Minwoo into the next BoA, which does her NO justice...SM Town has gone COMPLETELY to HELL!!!! I want EVERYTHING and EVERYONE back to normal!!! This is ridiculous!"

 

"Your Majesty!" came a voice from the door as one of Soo Man's music video crew members came rushing in. "We've just received word that Ji Hoon and Hyesung have quit and they're joining an up and coming Japanese band in China!"

 

"WHAT!?" Soo Man screamed, pulling at his hair in disgust.

 

"Let us the FUCK out of here!" Choi Kang yelled, trying to bend down and gnaw at the ropes that bound everyone together.

 

"Yeah! I'm hungry!" Hero cried, trying to gnaw at Brian's arm as Brian tried despererately to keep away from him.

 

"Oh Kang Ta!" Hee Jun cried as Kang Ta leaned in and whispered lovey-dovey things in his ear. The both of them apparently didn't care about anything else but each other.

 

"This is bullshit," Choi Kang said, kicking his feet at Hwanhee to see if he could get him to cry. Hwanhee inched closer to Yun Ho to get away from Choi Kang, Yun Ho inched closer to Sia to get away from Hwanhee, Sia inched closer to Micky to get away from Yun Ho, but only Micky inched closer to Sia. Then Sia turned to look at Micky and cried out.

 

"I'm pregnant! We are so close I HAVE to have gotten pregnant!" Micky just shook his head as Soo Man's voice broke into the commotion.

 

"THAT'S IT! YOU ALL STAY RIGHT HERE!!! IF ANY OF YOU MOVE I WILL HAVE YOU SHOT AND REPLACED BEFORE ANY OF YOU CAN SAY 'SM ENTERTAIN-MENT'!!!!" Soo Man screamed as he ran from the room.

 

"Thank god...I was expecting him to make a fucking threat...at least I won't have to say that stupid line ever again..." Choi Kang said, still trying to gnaw at his ropes.

 

 

Meanwhile, back in the airport bathroom, Jacqui and Vanness were waiting for the results of the pregnancy test. Vanness was very impatient, while Jacqui hummed the words to "Xiang Xiang Shi Ge Ni." Then, as Jacqui made a little "tada" noise and stepped out of the bathroom stall, she stuck the test in from of Vanness for him to see.

 

"See?" Jacqui said, gleefully.

 

"Wait...does the pink plus sign mean you're not, or is that the blue minus sign?" Vanness asked, confused.

 

"The pink plus sign means I'm pregnant, and that's what you're looking at. So, my love, we're having a baby!" Jacqui said, throwing her arms around Vanness. Just then, they heard their flight being announced on the intercom outside. Suddenly, Vanness swept Jacqui into his arms and smiled at her.

 

"If there is going to be a baby, then this means it has to have parents. I'll be more than happy to be the baby's father, sweetheart. I've seen my proof, and now I realize how un-gay I am if I am with you and our child. I love you so, much, Jacqui. We'd better get on the plane if we're going to make it to the Bahamas..." Vanness said softly, carrying her out of the bathroom.

 

"Oh Nessie!!! I just love you so much! You're my angel..." Jacqui wailed, cuddling up to Vanness as they walked through the many people rushing around, into the long, narrow hallway, and boarded their flight from Seoul. They giggled in happiness as the plane left the airport, and began to head west.


	15. Chapter 15

Both Vanness and Jacqui giggled...but in two different air spaces. Vanness giggled as he waved the plane goodbye and Jacqui giggled as she removed the blind fold Vanness had put on her as they entered the bathroom in the plane. When she saw he was no longer there, she stopped laughing.

“I don’t see how this whole place can crash down around me in less then a day!” Soo Man was saying, walking in a circle around the SM Town celebrities. “You think this happens to the YG Family? HELL NO!”  
SM couldn’t go on with his rants, because the 4th Minwoo ran in, skidding into a wall.  
“Boss!” He gasped, steadying himself on his new high heels.  
“What is it?!” Soo Man asked, a little worried.  
“Look what I can do!” Minwoo said, putting on a long wig and turning around. As he started to jiggle around he asked, “Do I look like BoA noooooooooooooooow boss?”  
“Son of a bitch...” Soo Man sighed, shaking his head.  
Just then, Young Woong had chewed through the ropes, as Yun Ho had directed him to do, when Soo Man’s back was turned. Young Woong jumped on Soo Man and started feasting. It wasn’t long before Soo Man was dead and Young Woong was wiping blood and brain fluid from his mouth.  
Everyone got to their feet, just as F2 ran in, dragging Vic.  
“Hurry everyone!” Jerry gasped.  
“Its important, follow us!” Ken directed.  
They ran out, and even though only a few people understood them everyone followed

Everyone was in the old ShinHwa practice room, in aerobics clothes. The room was dusty now, for being abandoned, and there was lonely stacks of gay porn everywhere. Sia and Brian were making a fort out of some of the stacks.  
“Okay, this is an addition for F4.” Jerry said, tapping the cane he found.  
“Now, it doesn’t matter if you can sing, because well, neither can we.” Ken said, Jerry nodded. “But you have to be able to dance!”  
“Why don’t we just give it up guys?” Vic said from the floor. “I mean, Vanness is gone, I only have one leg, Jerry only has his looks, and Ken only has....has uh...ummm...That his contract is still in effect and we cant fire him.”  
Ken punched Vic in the face, breaking his nose.  
“Don’t hit him jackass!” Jerry yelled. “He’s already mildly retarded!”  
“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU GUYS SAYING?!” Choi Kang yelled.  
Hee Jun was too busy with Kang Ta’s mouth to translate anything.  
“Fine fine.” Ken motioned for Vic to pull out the boom box. “We found this in here, so whatever CD they left in here, you’ll have to dance to.”  
Vic hit the play button and BoA’s “Shine We Are” Started playing. Everyone groaned, and would have refused to dance if they knew what the hell F3 was talking about...well, all but one. The 4th Minwoo ran in front and started to jiggle around like he never had before.  
“Wow. He’s good.” Jerry said, wide eyed.

 

In the fort Brian and Sia were working on the West tower.  
“You are doing it wrong...” Sia said softly, fixing what he thought was Brian’s mistake.  
“Its not wrong!” Brian barked, pushing Sia away from is tower. “Im older then you and have been making forts long before you have!”  
Sia crawled back to the tower, but Brian shoved him back again. He fell against a side wall, knocking it over, and began to cry.  
“What are you doing to him!?” Mickey yelled, not waiting for an answer before he started to beat Brian up.  
“STOP IT, YOUR HURTING ME!!!” Brian cried, curling into a ball.  
“KNOCK IT OFF YOU LITTLE DING DONG DIP SHIT!” HwanHee yelled, grabbing Mickey by the scruff of the neck. “YOU TOUCH HIM AGAIN ILL KICK YOUR ASS SO HARD, MY TOES WILL POP OUT YOUR NOSE!” And he threw Mickey across the room, not phasing the 4th Minwoo’s jiggling one bit. Sia shuffled off to see if Mickey was okay.  
Brian rubbed at his puffy eyes and sat up, looking up at HwanHee through his clumped eyelashes.  
“HwanHee?” Brian asked softly.  
HwanHee slowly gazed down at Brian, and when Brian made no move to say anything else, he knelt down.  
“Are you okay?” He asked.  
Brian nodded. “Thanks for helping me...”  
“Its oka-“  
”Are you still mad at me?!” Brian cut him off.  
“I....Brian I.....”  
“Yes?” He asked hopefully.  
“Brian, YES IM STILL MAD!”  
Brian jumped. HwanHee smiled softly and moved next to Brian.  
“You really hurt me, you know? But Bria-“  
”Im sorry!” Brian cut him off again. “You upset me! You called me whitewashed!” Brian started balling. “You know how much I hate that! I was so sad!” He sobbed.  
“Calm down! And stop cutting me off! Brian Im mad, but I still care about you. I know we may fight a lot, and you piss me off a lot, but no matter what I still like you.” HwanHee admitted.  
“You mean that?” Brian asked.  
HwanHee was silent for a moment, then took Brian’s hands in his and looked steadily into his red eyes. “We’ve been together for a long time, and because of that, we’ve made each other very happy on many occasions, but also very sad on others. Neither of us have gone as far as to be exclusive with the other, but I think now...Brian, there have been times you’ve made me so mad I just want to beat you to death, and sometimes almost have, but even then...There is no one I would rather make me mad then you, because even when you piss me off, I still care more for you then I have for anyone in my life. I got so mad at you this time because I wanted to tell you before that...” His eyes trained off for a moment, but then came back to Brian’s. “I wanted to let you know that...Brian Im in love with you. I want you in my life forever, and only you. I want you to be the one to hold me, to love me, to make me happy. I even want you to be the one to make me mad sometimes, but I don’t want you to break my heart. Ever.”  
Brian took a shallow breath in as HwanHee finished talking.  
“Hwan....Hee...” Brian sobbed, and through his arms around HwanHee, crying into his neck. “HwanHee, I love you too. I love you so much. Ill never look at anyone else. I want to be the only one in your life, and Ill make you the only one in mine. I want you to hold me and love me too. I don’t really want you to make me mad, but I wont care if you do! I really love you Hwan Hee!”

Vanness came in just as Ken was giving the 4th Minwoo an F4 shirt.  
“Hi you guys.” Vanness said, walking up.  
“Oh....Vanness...” Jerry said and nudged Ken.  
“We didn’t think you would be back.” Ken admitted.  
“Why...do you say that?” Vanness asked.  
“We replaced you, with this guy.” Jerry said, pointing to the 4th Minwoo.  
The 4th Minwoo pointed at himself and said, “BoA Kwan!”  
“Well kick him out!” Vanness yelled.  
“Hes really good though!” Jerry said. “We would let you back in the group, but you know...its F4, not F5....”  
“THATS RIGHT, ITS F4!” Vanness screamed. “F4 is Vanness, Jerry, Vic, and the other one! Not Bo-“ He had to stop because Ken punched him in the nose.  
“Stop punching people!” Jerry scolded.  
“STOP PISSNG ME OFF!”  
“Lets just keep BoA in the group and kick a current member out.” Vic said from the floor.  
“I vote for Ken.” Vanness said.  
“I vote for Vic, hes only got one leg.” Ken said.  
“There has to be a good way to solve this...” Jerry said.


	16. Chapter 16

Jerry was stirring papers in a hat that contained all their names as F3 and the new BoA crowded around him eagerly.

"This is so stupid! He doesn't even know Mandarin!" Vanness said pushing the new BoA out of his personal space.

"Ni Hao!" Jerry said to the new BoA.

"Ni Hao!" New BoA answered enthusiastically after a moment of blank staring.

"See? He... she... knows some!" Jerry said going back to stirring the papers in the hat.

Mean while everyone had started to lounge around the dusty practice room since they had nothing to do and this was just as good place to make out as any. Plus the nurses hadn't come looking for their patients yet, so they had time to kill.

Several of the couples had started to admire ShinHwa's collection of gay porn. Micky would have been but Sia had decided to get off the baby kick so they were actually having a conversation that didn't involve the anatomy of a woman and how men just didn't have it.

"Do you remember anything yet?" Sia asked eagerly.

Micky shook his head. "Not really. I have vague memories of you and the other members now. Nothing very clear though." He looked off a moment then suddenly burst to his feet and started dancing and singing "Hug." Automatically the other four member jumped into place and preformed like they were in front of a huge crowd and not a hand full of fighting or making out idols.

Hee Jun and Kang Ta stopped their "activities" for a moment to stare. "I remember when we where brain washed that well." Kang Ta sighed, his eyes looking into the past.

"That was a long time ago." Hee Jun said watching Choi Kang jump forward to sing his part of the song. Kang Ta suddenly got teary eyed and pounced on Hee Jun again crying,"I'm so glad I have you back!"

Just as Dong Bong Shin Gi finished and was bowing the non-existant crowd the practice room doors slammed open. A middle aged woman stomped into the room, she wore a buisness suit and everything about her seemed to say "no nonsence." She held a toddler on one hip, the little boy sucking on his fist as he looked about the dusty room with wide curious eyes.

All the idols had jumped to their feet emediatly. They had learned early on that in this buisness you had to recognized someone who signed your checks without being introduced.

"Baby!" Sia whispered as his eyes grew bubbley. Micky grabbed him before he could move towards the scary looking woman.

The woman looked at each of them quickly and seemed to disregard them in the same movement. She spotted F4 and stared. "I am Mrs. Soo Man. Now a widow." She quickly gave Hero a cold look then turned her attention back to the chinese idols. "Why is F4 in Korea?" She asked.

"How did she know?" Hero whispered when he was sure she wasn't paying attention.

"News travels fast?" Yun Ho offered.

"She's a witch!" Choi Kang Exclaimed quietly.

"Baby!" from Sia.

"Shh!" Mickey directed at all of them.

The members of F4 exchanged a look and then Vanness leaned to look past Mrs. Soo Man to Hee Jun who was fixing his hair in a small hand mirror Kang Ta had leant him. "What did she say?" He asked. Hee Jun translated quickly, never looking away from the mirror.

"Oh. Tell her we wanted SM town to lock Hero up for eating Vic's leg off." Jerry said to Hee Jun who snapped the hand mirror shut and finally gave the room his full attention to act as translator.

"Were they not already given a great sum of money?" Mrs. Soo Man asked not taking her eyes from F4 as she switched the babies weight to her other hip.

"Well..." Ken trailed off. Hee Jun took it upon himself to fill in Mrs. Soo Man on what had been going on that day. No one realised he had been paying attention to anything other than Kang Ta all day. When he was finsihed She nodded and for a moment the room was deathly silent while she appeared to be thinking.

"I will take over SM Town in place of my husband. New BoA!" Mrs. Soo Man snapped at the young man who jumped to attention and stopped fixing the padding in his bra. "You cannot be a member of F4, your contract will not run out for another two years. F4, go back to the clinic and we will work something out." She began slowly turning to face the different idols she was addressing. "Brian and Hwanhee keep your relationship on the down low. If it isn't I'll have to kill one of you, or both." They both turned pail and she moved on to the next group.

"Hee Jun and Kang Ta, stop messing around with each other. Your scheduals are far too busy for you to do this nonsense again." Kang Ta made a small cry and Hee Jun looked about ready to cry. Everyone was quiet waiting for the couple to speak.

"Ma'am!" Everyone was surprised to see Choi Kang step forward, even he was. He timidly approached his new boss and spoke quietly so only she and baby could hear. Mrs. Soo Man studied Hee Jun and Kang Ta while he spoke in her ear. Finally she nodded.

"Fine. You two do what you want but like them," She gestured to Brain and Hwanhee," I'm not above doing something drastic if you're found out." The couple looked releaved and nodded. The new boss moved on to Dong Bong Shin Gi. She looked especially irritated.

"Hero, you come see me privatly after this and we'll discuss your addiction. Bring your lover also, he seems to be following in your foot steps." Yun Ho suddenly looked very guilty. She continued. "You, Sia." Sia jumped at his name being called. "Come take the baby." His eyes filled with bubbles again as he hurried forward and eagerly took the little boy into his arms. "Micky, go back to the clinic and see if the doctors can do anything to recover your memories any faster. And Choi Kang keep taking your medication and stop being bitchy." Choi Kang just nodded. She looked at them all again. "That's all, you are dismissed. Go practice. You two wait for me in my office." She pointed at Hero and Uno and stomped out of the room.


	17. Chapter 17

Mrs. Soo Man stepped into her office, seeing that Hero and Yun Ho were already there. Yun Ho was shaking, while Hero was picking his teeth clean with the solid gold name tag Soo Man kept on his desk. Xiah was following close behind Mrs. Soo Man, but didn't get far, because just as he was going to pass through the door after her, she slammed it in his face. The baby could be heard screaming outside the office, and Mrs. Soo Man just rolled her eyes, making her way to the desk her now deceased husband used to occupy.

"You two...are in deep shit," Mrs. Soo Man said, slapping her hands on the desk furiously. "How the hell could you allow this beast to eat my husband, Yun Ho?"

"I..."

"That was rhetorical!" Mrs. Soo Man spat. "Jae Joong...I'm throwing your ass back in rehab and you're never getting out. From the moment you step through the doors of that rehab building you will be chained to a bed. I will have the nurses put a catheter with you so you will not have to leave your bed in order to go to the bathroom. You will NOT be permitted to leave your room under any circumstances. I will not have any more of my husband's hard work destroyed by you. You've eaten BoA, eaten Dana's arm, eaten many of Moon Hee Jun's body parts...he almost has no future here...I could have gotten used to his depression and even gaining that extra weight...you have also eaten off someone who has nothing to do with SM Entertainment! I have no idea how I will explain this to Sony Hong Kong, or compensate Mr. Chou for his loss...but after having eaten your founder and savior...I cannot allow this to go any further. Yun Ho, your punishment will remain as my husband has left it. Though I will add an extra something to it, you will not be on any of Dong Bang Shin Gi's cover's until Jae Joong has sustained himself in being happy with eating normal food. If he so much as touches another human being, as long as his contract with this company is in tact--which heaven help us all is for five more years--I will have no choice but release you both from the label. Without severance pay."

"WHAT?! That could take forever!" Yun Ho gaped.

"Then so be it. This is mainly your fault, if you had told us that he was a cannibal before we signed him on, none of this would have happened. You two are, as I have heard it so blatanly put, "sleeping together." You should have given a warning."

"He never said--" Yun Ho began, but Mrs. Soo Man threw up a hand, which silenced him immediately.

"I have made my decision. Now get him out of here, and make sure he is taken directly to the rehab clinic. If he escapes, well...just pray that he doesn't."

"Lady...you're lucky I haven't eaten you yet..." Hero burst out, spitting a random peice of bone onto Soo Man's desk, then continued to pick his teeth.

"Jae Joong! Don't speak to her that way! She can have you kicked off the label!" Yun Ho gasped.

"Yun Ho," Mrs. Soo Man whispered between clenched teeth, "get him out of here. You are in charge of finding someone to replace him while he is in rehab. No concerts, no live performances of any kind are allowed until he has redeemed himself. I don't want the fans thinking Jae Joong is out of the group or has been replaced, although I believe that would be best, but this little shit has a large fanbase that brings this company almost as much money as H.O.T. did when they hit their peak. I cannot afford to lose that." Mrs. Soo Man snorted, the walked over to Hero and slapped him right across the face.

"OH MY GOD!! MY FACE! MY HAIR!" Hero screamed, grasping his face and hair as he fell to the floor. Yun Ho began to shake more, as he knelt to help Hero to his feet.

"Get him out of here," Mrs. Soo Man fumed. Yun Ho nodded quickly, bowed, then began to drag to drag a wailing Hero out of the office.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"We can always have sex in private, darling," Kang Ta whispered to Hee Jun, who was staring blankly ahead at absolutely nothing. He had nothing else to live for as it was before any of this happened, now he was cripple, and was told he could only show his affection in a mild manner. He was completely dead inside.

"Kay...Kuia...Kiua...Kuai...ler...le?" the new BoA said, trying to learn as Jerry was trying like crazy to teach him mandarin.

"No...Kuai...le...it's kuai le..." Jerry said, using his fingers and hands in any way he could to get the point across. Obviously, the new BoA didn't understand a bit of mandarin, and Jerry didn't understand a bit of korean, and his attempts at teaching were failing miserably.

"Micky, you have your memory back! No one would have remembered that step but you!" Choi Kang said happily, for the first time in ages.

"Yeah, well...actually I never really lost my memory. Heh. I played the amnesiac because it helped me to get through everything that's happened a lot easier. I was able to concentrate on my dance moves and singing a lot better. So when you thought I was trying to "relive" my past to regain it, I was really just practicing..."

"You bastard...and here I was feeling sorry for you and you were lying to entire time!?" Choi Kang screamed, causing everyone in the room to look in their direction. Then suddenly, Choi Kang stood up on his bed and kicked Micky so hard in the head, that Micky flew backward. His head slammed hard against the wall, causing him to slump to the floor in unconsciousness. "ASSHOLE! GAH!" Choi Kang then flopped back down into bed angrily, folding his arms as he swore under his breath.

"Whoa...is he dead?" Vic asked, poking his head up from his bed so he could see better.

"Who cares?" Vanness replied, shuffling a deck of cards in his hand. "We need to finish our Pepsi commercial and get the hell out of here so that fluffy haired kid from that band Ping Pong doesn't eat any more of you...or us..."

"Look, you son of a bitch..." Choi Kang snapped, "it's Dong Bang Shin GI. GI. GIIIII!!!!! Say it with me! GI! DONG. BANG. SHIN. GI."

"Wait a minute..." Ken said, stepping out of the bathroom where he had been busy looking at one of the Shinhwa magazines. "Isn't that chinese? We can say that..."

"Please....don't. Just never say our band's name again. Call us DBSG. Or for fuck's sake use TVfXQ. It's much easier for all you retards."

"Retards?" Vanness said, throwing the deck of cards on the ground as he stood up angrily from his seat.

"You heard me, Wu Tang," Choi Kang shot back. Vanness then jumped over Vic's bed, knocking Vic to the floor in a shout of agony as his wound began to spray blood. Vanness quickly reached Choi Kang's bedside and got directly in his face. But just then, Mrs. Soo Man threw the hospital doors open and stepped inside.

"Mr. Wu, if you touch him I will be forced to disinherit your group's compensation payment." Hearing this, Vanness raised his hands and stepped away from Choi Kang, a huge grin on his face.

"Hee Jun, translate," Mrs. Soo Man said, pointing from him, to herself, then F4. Hee Jun just kept staring blankly ahead as Kang Ta ran his hands through Hee Jun's hair, which was still caked with dried blood. Mrs. Soo Man rolled her eyes and stepped up to Hee Jun's bed and smacked him upside the head. "Translate!"

"Oh...I only know a little--"

"Just do as you're told. You shouldn't have a problem, just pretend you're in H.O.T. again," Mrs. Soo Man barked.

"H....O...T..." Hee Jun wailed, breaking down into tears as Kang Ta wrapped his arms around Hee Jun and tried to comfort him.

"Goddamnit, must I do everything around here?" Mrs. Soo Man screeched. "Hee Jun, translate and I will let you have the vending machine outside."

"R-Really?" Hee Jun said, then nodded as Mrs. Soo Man began to speak.

"F4, I will give you and your company a sum of ten million dollars in compensation if you leave immediately and do not mention a word of this to anyone. I will also allow you to finish your commercial in complete privacy here at the SM Town lot. You should have no more worries as to whether or not the rest of you will be eaten, I have sent Jae Joong to rehab and he will be taken very good care of there. I have made sure he will not escape this time." Mrs. Soo Man clasped her hands in front of her as she waited for Hee Jun to finish translating. He messed up a few words, making the sentence sound like "you should worry" instead of "you should not worry."

"Wait a minute...we should or shouldn't worry?" Vanness said, scratching his head as he looked at Jerry, who only shrugged as he continued to sign out words to the new BoA.

"Do NOT worry! NOT. NO WORRIES!" Mrs. Soo Man said loudly, glaring at Hee Jun, who promptly corrected himself as he translated quickly.

"Wow...you're going to give us that much? Is your company really that rich?" Ken said, zipping up his pants and wiping his hands on them.

"Now we can buy you you're peg leg, Vic!" Vanness laughed, turning to look at his band mate. Vic was still lying on the floor in tears, holding his stub leg as it drooled blood.

"A peg leg? Why not just buy him a whole new leg from some dead dude?" Jerry said, throwing his hands up in disgust at the new BoA, who wasn't learning anything at all.

"I want my leg back!" Vic cried, rolling around on the floor in agony.

"We can also finish our commercial guys! Let's just do it! We can get the hell out of here, finish our business, and have more money than we can count!" Vanness said, stepping up to Mrs. Soo Man.

"Do you accept my invitation?" Mrs. Soo Man asked, folding her arms. As Hee Jun translated, Micky twitched slightly in his unconsciousness.

"As the leader of F4, Mrs. Soo Man. We accept!" Vanness said, smiling goofily at Mrs. Soo Man as she just continued to look around the room in anger. Hee Jun translated, then Mrs. Soo Man nodded.

"Very well." Mrs. Soo Man pulled out her cell phone, spoke many words quickly, and hung up. It took no longer than five seconds and a very fancy looking businessman entered the room holding four briefcases. He placed each one on the floor, and opened them. Each held two point five million dollars. F3 gasped and ran over to the briefcases, while Vic began to crawl his way over to them.

"Holy..." Ken said, falling to his knees. Jerry just stood there shocked, while Vanness giggled incessantly.

"Guys, I think we are finished here," Vanness said, finally. The other three nodded in agreement and they began to shake Mrs. Soo Man's hand one by one. As F3 picked up the briefcases, Ken and Jerry lifted Vic from the floor.

"I will be sending one of my representatives to your hotel to discuss the negotiations on when and where you can begin filming the remainder of your commercial," Mrs. Soo Man said, as F4 passed her while heading toward the exit. Hee Jun translated, and added his own little "thank you come again" afterward. Before F4 could leave, Jacqui sprang into the room.

"YOU ASSHOLE!" she screamed at Vanness, who turned white with shock. "How the hell could you leave me like that when I'm pregnant with your child!? You expect me to raise this bastard on my own!?"

"But...sweetheart...look..." Vanness said, waving the briefcase in Jacqui's face. "I did it for us..."

"What the fuck? What the hell am I going to do with a briefcase?!" Jacqui screamed, snatching the briefcase from him. But once, she opened it, she went all giggly. "Oh baby, this is incredible!"

"I know..." Vanness beamed.

"We can use this to buy a house...and a car...a dog...a cat...a station wagon...live in the suburbs...with our baby..." Jacqui squealed.

"W-Wait...a station wagon? Wouldn't you be more happier with a...newer model of car?" Vanness said. F3 rolled their eyes, then began to leave the room once again.

"Wait guys!" Vanness said, and tried to run after them. Jacqui grabbed his arm, holding him back.

"You really plan on leaving me, for this?" she said, her eyes watering as she held out the briefcase. Vanness stared at her for a moment, then sighed deeply.

"No...I can't leave the one I love..." he said, wrapping his arm around her shoulders as they began to walk away. Jacqui smiled and looked up at him.

"We don't really need the station wagon...or the cat...or dog...I just want to be with my Nessie."

"A-As long as I can have half of that money..." Vanness said, as Jacqui smacked him on the head. As Jacqui and Vanness walked through the doors, the slammed shut behind them. Giggling and notes of "Can't Lose You Now" were heard down the hall, and they got fainter and fainter until they weren't heard at all. Mrs. Soo Man let out a large breath of air and put her hands on her hips.

"Now, for you Choi Kang." Mrs. Soo Man reached into her pocket, and pulled out a bottle of pills. She tossed them in his direction, and they hit him in the head, then fell into his lap. "Take those, and if I hear that you have neglected to take them, for any reason, I will have you stripped from the label. They will help you with the bitchiness." Choi Kang nodded and looked at the label on the bottle.

"Marijuana pills!?"

"Yes. They will help. Take them, or suffer consequences." Mrs. Soo Man then looked over at Micky, who was barely breathing and still unconscious against the wall. "What happened to him?"

"Um..." Choi Kang began, then smiled slightly as he opened the pill bottle and popped a pill into his mouth. Mrs. Soo Man sighed deeply, then walked over toward Hee Jun and Kang Ta.

"I told you two to keep this on the down low. Kang Ta, go to your room and practice. You have a new album coming out soon, and I don't want you sounding like Hee Jun. You need to stop the ballads and come out with a much more upbeat album. We aren't making much money off of you...well...when it comes to your music. Luckily you're a very physcially attractive young man and popular with the girls, or we wouldn't be making any money off of you at all. And another tip, stop being everyone's whore. I can't believe how many problems my dearly departed husband has mentioned to me where you have slept with one of the boys on this label and have caused them heartbreak by leaving them for this." Mrs. Soo Man pointed to Hee Jun, who began to start sniffling as he clung to Kang Ta.

"I-I'm not a whore..." Kang Ta sobbed.

"He's my w-whore..." Hee Jun sobbed more.

"Just go to your room and practice! I'm tired of this!" Mrs. Soo Man said, clapping her hands together quickly as if to make Kang Ta act immediately. Seeing this, it frightened Kang Ta and he quickly jumped out of the bed. He whispered his "I love you's" and "I'll never leave you again" speeches, then quickly left the room. "Now...Hee Jun..."

"Y-Yeah?" Hee Jun said, cringing under his blanket.

"As our deal stated, you translated for me, and I will grant you the vending machine outside. But make it last. I only have it refilled every monday. That means you have to space your eating habits. And I am putting you back on a diet. So all that will go into that machine is healthy food. No candy."

"But--"

"We never made a deal on the what would go INSIDE the machine once you had it. My mind is made up. Now, as for your...current condition...I will hire the best plastic surgeon in Korea to help you return to your former...glory...you have made this company too much money for me to lose you because of that little bastard..."

"Oh...okay..." Hee Jun said, with a heavy puff of air. He slumped into his bed, and the new BoA tapped Mrs. Soo Man on the shoulder.

"Um...ma'am...what--"

"AH! Who the hell...oh...Minwoo...you may go back to Shinhwa. I never liked that trashy BoA anyway. She drove my husband crazy, and took all his money. I am quite glad that Jae Joong ate her at least. And take that ridiculous outfit off!" The new BoA, or rather, Minwoo, thought for a moment.

"I don't know, ma'am...I kinda like this..." Minwoo said, as he poked at the padded bra he was still wearing.

"I told you to go back to Shinhwa. Do you want me to deny you of your rights of a second solo album? Take that damn thing off, and go practice!" Mrs. Soo Man said, stomping her foot. Minwoo jumped, then took off the BoA clothes, which left him in his underwear. He yelped in embarassment, then quickly darted from the room. Mrs. Soo Man looked around for more people to address.

"Where the hell are Xiah, Brian, and Hwan Hee?" Mrs. Soo Man said, looking at Choi Kang, who now looked high.

"I don't know, man...they're off studying...or screwing or something...maybe they're teaching the baby to dance..." Choi Kang laughed to himself. Mrs. Soo Man huffed, finding that her work here was done. Then, she pointed to a random nurse that had just stepped into the room, then pointed toward Micky.

"You, put him in bed, and make sure to check his vitality. If he's dead, we will have to replace him, if he is alive, bring him back to consciousness." The nurse nodded quickly, then went over to help Micky into an empty bed.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

At the rehab clinic, Yun Ho was helping Hero into his bed, while four fat vietnamese nurses stood by with thick wooden bats. Yun Ho lifted Hero onto the bed and Hero looked at him adoringly.

"You really think I could ever eat you?" Hero asked, his eyes misting.

"I...I don't know Jae Joong...I really don't know..." Yun Ho replied, shrugging slightly as he reached for the chains that were specifically attached to Hero's bed at Mrs. Soo Man's request.

"Well...I couldn't, just so you know..." Hero said.

"Jae Joong..." Yun Ho whispered, staring blankly at Hero, forgetting to grab the chains and get him securely fastened to the bed.

"But...Yun Ho...you know..." Hero whispered, looking down at the chains, then back to Yun Ho.

"Yes?" Yun Ho said, moving closer as if he was expecting Hero to get romantic.

"I do love you...but I can't be stuck here like this..." Hero said, then in minimal quick movements he grabbed one of the chains on the bed and belted Yun Ho over the head with it. Hero watched his lover fall to the floor in a heap of unconsciousness. The nurses all gasped and jumped into play as they began moving toward Hero waving around their bats.

"Look, ladies, don't make me eat you, too. You're all pretty damn fat, so I could eat your legs and make you imobile, then I could save the rest of you for later in my freezer at home. You aren't made of silicone like BoA was...pure fat...I like that...you could get rid of that nasty plastic I can still taste in my mouth." Hero jumped off his bed, ripped the chain from the bed, then began to wave it around as if to mock the nurses.

"Just get back into bed, Mr. Kim..." one of the nurses said, moving closer. Suddenly, Hero did a nose dive toward her legs and bit right through each of them. The nurse cried out in pain as she dropped her bat and rolled around on the floor, her now stubbed legs pouring blood. Hero began to spin the chain around in front of him. The nurses backed away, and he turned toward the door and began to walk slowly backward. He kept swinging the chain, being it was the only thing holding the nurses at bay. Then, out of nowhere, Hero shouted at them.

"Look! Mrs. Soo Man!" he said, and pointed behind the nurses. Terrified, the nurses all fell for it and turned to look behind them, only to find themselves looking at a gray stone wall.

"Mrs. Soo Man isn't--AH!" the nurses exclaimed, turning their view back to Hero, who was already gone from the room. "Shit...we're dead..." one of the nurses said, dropping her bat. The other two groaned in agreement as the fourth nurse remained on the floor, although now half dead from blood loss.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hero sprang through the emergency exit door with a twinkle of freedom in his eyes. He giggled ferociously as he ran across the grass, past shrubs, streetlights, and down the road toward his hotel room at the SM Town lot.

"SM Town hasn't seen the last of Kim Jae Joong yet..." Hero giggled to himself, as he grinned widely, chattering his teeth together in a fit of insanity.


End file.
